Scars in life

The evidence of my failure was crystal clear. I had flunked Paper 3 final exam. As the implication sank in, I went numb. Failing final paper meant that I had to withdraw from the progamme. With a pang, I took back my endless hours of study and prayers for success. I felt betrayed, I remember the words of the Psalms (37:25)

I am old now, I have lived a long time, but I never seen good people abandoned bt the Lord or their children begging fo food.

..it seemed to mock me. I had done the right thing by not cheating but hadn't I been forsaken. My failure seemed to mark me as someone who was unable to balance her academic,social and spiritual activities. I was angry at God for His effectiveness and lack of concern. I questioned a purpose of prayer... I hang unto God during this terrible moment for one simple reason....I had nowhere to turn since i held on Him. I've been trying so hard during the moment before the final exam, praying day and night for His guidance but still I misfortune.

It was a terrible moment for me, seing the others attending their connvocation while 13 of us left behind for extended semester. Its a real pain (plus more pain) when the other friends call me, telling that they will posted as a Staff Nurse soon...I was thinking why do I left behind for the worst mistake that i ever did in my life?? Will there something better in my future life? I started to questioning God's miracle....

I gave up my spirit, faith and trust...i was lost...

In the midst of my thoughts on how miserable i was, a bright light shone upon me.. I saw one person in my mind...my dearly God the Father.I am still walking in my faith and I am not alone. God has never failed me..and He has promise he never will...

Like a verse in a song 'would the Lord ever leave you? would the Lord forsake His love? you'll will run never tired, for the Lord will be your strength...'

The saying every cloud has a silver lining is used so often there's got to be some truth in it. Its about making a negative situation positive. There is no failure, only feedback.... Ironically, things can happen again but maybe for different reasons.

The Lord is near to those who are discouraged, He saves those who have lost all hope (psalms 34:18)

080808

today is 08.08.08

i juz love this number because :

1) In chinese 8 means rich or wealthy or something good happen

2) a few years back, i plan to get marry at this date. (Eeekkk...) but i think its not the time yet

3) my beloved auntie celebrates her 46th birthday today.

4) the last 2 digits of my mobile number is 8

..but i feel damn lonely today...

--my A.M.O's buddies just call me up to inform that they will be having KD posting soon..means that i'm gonna lost contact with some of them

--my duty roster for next week is quite disappointing me..coz i'm gonna working PM syift for the whole damn week. (thanks for our nursing in-charge!!!!!)

....i should be happy on this days but i feel 90% disappointed n frustrated!!!....

thanx for the life anyway...

Hmm..

I cracked my head when i was creating this blog- to find a beautiful and unique name for the username.

Clare means ILLUSTRIOUS...so i come up with that idea

I love the word...so unique ...

ANGER!!!

For the past few days I've been a short-fused wreck, waiting for the moment to blow. i was easily agitated.Its been a horrible week for me. My heart felt terribly guilty for having those feelings of anger within me...seems people are pissed off me.

i felt angry looking at my own life..why i become the person that i don't want to be..?What is wrong with me and why am I acting like this? I feel the lack of self-control, especially over my anger.

if feels good after the ANGER release yet leaves me much to regret...the numbness in the vessel and nerve just explodes with the release..

i thought it was over but it started again..

She is trying to outshine me

Sounds irritated rather than pleased when you have good news like getting promotion or meeting a fantastic new guy

Talks about herself like she’s her own PR person- full of what she’s been doing and where and why- without even bothering to ask you

Makes a jokey put- down about your passions, opinions and diet

Likes to tell you in detail about social events she’s been to through work or friends of hers you don’t know

Looks up and down from head to toe to check out what you’re wearing

The facts above are describing about a competitive girl that I ever be-friend with.

My close friend (let call her Anne) was a little competitive since we were in high school. She is the one those people who thinks that she is right about everything. Although she can be fun in a social situation, much of the time she makes me feel self-conscious and inferior. She’s always talking like she’s got 100 friends on speed-dial and has such a busy social life because she’s so in demand. Everything she says is to make some point about how popular she is. She’s so opinionated about what’s the best that she manages to make me feel inferior- like telling me the stuff ‘ I never travel to Kuching by Air Asia. I always travel by MAS’

A competitive Anne can often leave me a feeling hopeless and fearful. The more I’m with her the more my self-image plummets and the more at risk I’m buying into the competition because I don’t want to come across like a failure or get left behind. I feel completely invisible in her presence (when hang out with the guys) amd I also feel constantly angry that she is so hell- bent on making every guy on the room fall in love with her. I would dress to try to outdo - trying to steal her thunder. Finally I realized that trying to beat her to meet men wasn’t healthy and didn’t make me feel better about myself.

Well, I don’t want to get sucked in the situation. But if I don’t compete that makes her feel superior because she thinks she’s beating me at everything which is infuriating. If I do compete, I’m at risk of becoming pretty, shallow and pushy as she is, and is that what I really want?

Friends should be nurturing, celebrate your achievement, supportive and makes you feel better about yourself. But if a friends thinks that every life goal that you kicks makes her look less worthy, she is obviously a selfish and very insecure person. Too much competition is not healthy for a friendship in the lng term because it creates resentment and lack of trust.

Sunset is my strength

It is so peaceful at sunset,
They show all dreams to be met
As the sun dips low in the sky
It reminds me of all those times
And with those memories of soaring above,

I find peace when sunset
Where my fears all cease
I find my strength to fly
I find the hope to walk
I find the courage to smile
There..
in that sunset sky.

I think God is looking down
Smiling at what He's created
The touch of His sturdy hand
Nothing seems closer to heaven
Than a beautiful sweet sunset...

Sunset is my strength...

Loneliness killing me!!

I feel lonely
without your love
i feel lonely
without you by my side
i feel lonely my sweetheart
when you`re gone
i feel this solitude
whatever i say


Lonely how deep is this word
how hearts feel it
well my sweetheart
i hope soon very soon
we can stay together
and our solitude
can be joy for life, for love
just for us .........

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Classic Halter Dress

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Hot tempered man+jealousy+dominating=DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

If your boyfriend is prone to jealousy, putting you down and making threats, you could be at risk of domestic violence.

If your boyfriend hits you and it seems to be an isolated incident its understandable you would want to give him a second chance but be wary. Things may settle down for a while- for months or even longer while he still feels guilty and you try to go along with him.But usually it’s only the matter of time before he becomes abusive in othew ways.

Often women cling to the hope that they can change their partner’s behaviour or that it was a one off event and will never happen again .They may feel ashamed this has happened to them and may even blame themselves for provoking the abuse by nagging that made their partner angry. Violence that occurs in a romantic relationship is not about loss of control but its about power to dominate another person. There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour and just saying sorry is not good enough.

Violence is never excusable. It can be hard to accept that someone you care about; someone who is often loving, caring and thoughtful to you. If he’s hit you then what are you still doing there? LEAVE HIM!!



thanks someone, for inspiring me to write this blog

Romeo n Juliet Kiss

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Romeo + Juliet

"Has my heart loved 'till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw a true beauty 'till this night."

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatfamousmoviekissareyouquiz/">What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

self indulgence

Heels don't just make your legs longer-they affect your entire body posture so your bust and butt look larger and curvier

A sling bag is practical but it also pulls your shoulder up, adds bulk to your hips and makes you look sloppy.Thats why stars use tiny clutch bags on the red carpet

Skinny pants are fashionable but straight, narrow-cut styles are more flattering to most body shapes and give some sxy, long look

Make him want to reach out and touch you by choosing dresses in soft fabrics like chiffon or satin

Keep it short and sweet- KISS

5 reasons why i should try a short 'do at least ince in my life:

It's instant wash and wear, i don;t have to waste time blow-drying or styling

I'll save shampoo and conditioner! (plus, pomades and waxes become my best friends)

I don't have to worry about it getting in my face when the wind blow

Short 'dos always look chick

Snipping off inches length can increas sex appeal!!

hip 'hair' hooray!!!

My hair was constantly in ponytail, albeit with a fashionable hair accessory. Truth is, I’ve been trying to disguise the fact that I’ve missed a few hair appointments over the past 8 months!! There’s always an excuse- I’m too busy for a hair cut, hair spas are too self-indulgent, colours will dry out my hair or my favourite, I look best in ponytail. I know very well the importance hair plays as a social role. The state of your hair signals so many things about you- your age, your state of health, your sense of self-worth, your laziness….i must admit, I was never really convinced that real people could achieve fashionable- looking hair everyday.

I discovered a ‘hot hair handbook’ and this proved me wrong. I’m so excited by the prospect of fabulous hair that takes little work to achieve. Its chockfull of easy tip to survive those ‘I’m-so-bored-with-my-hair’ days. I finally stash away all those ponytail grips and upadate a new look on my hair…a bob cut with golden brown. It cost much less or more like when I rebonded or perm it. I should stay away from big hair or long flowing locks as this will make me look smaller.now here it comes..the new me..

telephone love talk a.k.a distance relationship

The phone rings and I pick it up. It’s him. We haven’t seen each other for ages and my heart pounds as he says how much he loves me/misses me/is mad about me…..the question comes up on my mind.. ’do you really mean what you’re saying?’ . I can hear his voice but I can’t see the expression on his face and he might be murmuring the kind of things he’d never say in front of me. Long pauses when we’re on the phone seem to mean a lot more than when we’re together. It is also true that further apart we are the more passionate he’s likely to sound. At some point during our conversation I might say, ‘would you like to be here, right now?’ to which he replies ‘of course me dear sweetheart’, knowing full well that nothing on earth could drag him out of his comfy couch and away from a football match in TV.

So why is a man ultra-nice on the phone? It’s because he wants to feel loved. With the phone against one ear and me on the other end; do men find it easy to go completely overboard? I know he misses me but how much? More than he ever thought possible, he thinks- now I’m not around. So how do I work out when he says he can be trusted? Well, I reckon if he’s just crooning sweet nothing I should just sit back and enjoy it. After all, doesn’t anyone like to hear that kind of things once in a while huh? A long distance phone call might not be cheap but talk certainly is….

i work in cosmetics and i lie to all women everyday!!

i admit it, i've always been interested in fashion and make up. I like fashion and makeup as how someone would like modifying their cars or photographing but I usually don't mind stepping out of the house bare-faced and decked out in old t-shirts and shorts...ngeh...ngeh...ngeh...

i spent a huge amount of money on skin care and i feel very bad about it.But that keeps me loyal to my twice-a-day skincare regime. I'm desperate for something new to happen in my makeup box... a new marvellous creation or something. i never wear concealer but i do love lip gloss..the makeup expert say it is ok if u do not put on the eye shadow because the lips become an attention..quite true huh..?i have tonnes of mascara. The most expensive is RM79.90 and yet the best one I've tried is one that costs RM12.90

i'm short..although its weird for me to be so curvy when i'm not tall but i thanked God for the invention of high heels.hehehe..

Anyway,everybody's beautiful in their own way...

Controlling friend

I had a controlling friend when I was in the college. Her name is..ok lets call her as Jue. She was an ambitious, clever,strong woman- doesn't have to imagine. I was proud to be her friend. Her influence was really obvious. So often I find myself in uncomfortable situations and realize that I’m doing exactly what she wants me to do. My opinions are constantly brushed aside and she gets mad if you don’t want to go along with her plans. In the end I always giving in to her demands to avoid her temper tantrums.
if I arrange a dinner party and don’t plan to invite her, I have to be secretive.she once found out she hadn't’t been invited from one of the other guest.so I had no choice but to invite her. She arrive early, monopolise my attention and talk to the other guest making an attempt to socialize. If she think the party is dull, she’ll make it by obvious yawning. On the other way, she always found a way of criticizing me for my own good. It took me a year to click she was a negative influence. I realized it was her own sense of inadequacy that meant she gave me such bad advice. Despite this airy attitude, I was unhappy with the situation but I doesn't want to lose Jue. In my darkest moments she makes me feel weak. I can’t think what I get out of our relationship. She’s never drop everything to help me out in an emergency but, for some reason, I keep going back for more….

So one day, I confronted her. I sms her and said, ‘ I can’t be friends with you anymore because this friendship is not supporting me’..and then she came out with only one simplest word ‘I’m sorry’……

If u have controlling friend, confront her. First because you can only gain from it and second you don’t deserve anything less.